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I take comfort in structure. So when I came across Anne’s Break Up Dance Party Playlist, I decided to take these steps to heart and adapt them to my own process. This brings us to the first step of the recovery process.

Step 1: Realization, or: “Oh, crap.”

In other words I’m going to be pretty freaking sad.

As Iris advised me, “just take some time to mourn the relationship. Feel sorry for yourself. That new Shweddy Balls ice cream sounds intriguing…” I found this comment especially insightful because in the past I didn’t take the time to mourn. I was so concentrated on moving on from the break up. I didn’t allow myself the opportunity to just be sad. Unfortunately, those feelings would later catch up with me and getting over the relationship would take even longer.

So I’m going to need to cry. A lot. And eat ice cream. A lot of ice cream.

I’m so disappointed that my relationship with Jon is over. I invested so much of myself into this relationship. For the first time in almost two years, I allowed myself to be vulnerable and open with a guy. I came to really like — and possibly love — him. Now its over and that sucks.  I miss him. I miss the time we spent together. I miss the companionship, I miss the laughter, I miss watching TV with him for hours on end. Oh, God, I especially miss the cuddling and kissing. And yes, the having sex part.

So I’m going to revel in the sadness. I’m going to cry. I’m going to listen to sad songs. I’m going to whine to all my friends about how this always happens to me.” I’m going to finish this entire bottle of red wine myself.

I’m going to own this misery.

Finally, thank you all for your kind and thoughtful comments. They were so comforting to read. If anyone has any other advice/songs/encouraging platitudes, send them right here. That’s right, I have no shame.

I don’t often beg but I need your help! Yes — you!

I’ve just broken up with a guy and I desperately need advice on getting over this breakup.

This is where you come in. Tell me: how do you get over a guy?

Please send me your best tips, advice, depressing love songs, Ben & Jerry’s flavors, and encouraging platitudes!

I’m really counting on the collective wisdom of all four of my blog readers here! I kid, you know I love you!

Its Over

Zack and Kelly call it quits. It's the end of true love. (Ignore how horribly grainy this photo is)

There’s really no eloquent and witty way to say this but Jon and I are officially done.

After having the “define our relationship” talk, Jon admitted that while he liked me he was too emotionally messed up to offer any commitment. So at 2 am I packed up my drawer (yes, I had a drawer at his apartment!), sobbed on his shoulder (not one of my finer moments), and left.

Here’s what I’m feeling:

  • Sadness: I started to really fall for Jon. In fact, I thought I would eventually come to love Jon. I’m hurt that this is all over.
  • Anger: I was blindsided by Jon’s emotional issues. I feel like a placeholder — that he was only with me because he was bored and need to pass the time before his trip. I feel used.
  • Self-loathing: Why did I let this happen? Why did I let myself get so involved? Are relationships always going to be like this?
  • Foolish, foolish hope: This is the worst emotion of all. I can’t help but hope. I can’t help but desperately wish that someday he’ll get his head screwed on right and come for me. I can’t help but hope that someday our relationship will out.

But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel

As awful as I feel, I’m trying to look on the bright side and understand the situation clearly.

  • At the end of the day, he wasn’t right for me. I ignored red flags. It just didn’t work out — and that happens in a lot of relationships.
  • It wasn’t a perfect relationship. As much as I moan and sob over it, I’m not losing a great and epic love. We liked each other. We dated for two months. He was a commitment-phobe. I was insecure. We’re weren’t right for each other.
  • I did the right thing. I confronted my fears about the relationship and I was honest with him. I told Jon what I wanted (a relationship) and he couldn’t give me that. So I walked away. I valued myself enough to not settle.

But despite knowing this, I can’t help but feel so sad. And dramatic. And whiny. And irrational. And sad. So much sad.

And thus I am giving myself the next two weeks to get over him. I will devote the next 14 days (and blog posts!)  to break-ups and working past break-ups. If I could I would wear a veil and put some sort of black shroud over my laptop.

You have been warned.

You would think that my blog would be the one place I could be perfectly honest. After all, it’s completely devoid of my mother’s judgment and my friends’ eye rolls. But as much as I’ve been gushing about Jon, there is one elephant in the room. One big-ass elephant.

He’s leaving.

As he mentioned to me when we first started dating, Jon is embarking on world wind adventure of self-discovery. Two months ago, that news was slightly troubling. But now that we’ve gotten so involved, his plans are freaking me the heck out.

The truth is I’m falling for Jon. Hard. I’ve come to really care for him and I’m trying to open myself up to him. He’s the first guy I’ve fallen for in a long time. He’s leaving in November. He’s slowly planning his trip. But has he planned where I fit in? Do I even have a place in his plans?

Which brings us to the main issue: We need to have “the talk.”

Urgh, I loathe “the talk.” I never wanted to be the girl that demanded we define our relationship right away. I never wanted to be that girl that needed lock in a title.

But at the end of the day, I’m falling for the guy and I need to know where he stands. As good as this relationship is going, I worry/wonder/suspect that he’s with me because he needs company before his trip. I need to know where he sees this going before I completely give in. To be honest, this scares the shit out of me.

The Hardest Part About Dating

Huh? You're telling me I have to develop feelings?

I can handle the bad dates. I relish in the awkward kisses. At this point, I’m unfazed by giving out my number and never hearing from the guy.  Ed Hardy wearing players? Throw them at me!

But vulnerability? That’s a different story. You’re telling me I have to be open? That I have to share the contents of my heart with him? Hold the phone:  I have to develop feelings for him?

As I continue dating Jon, I find myself actually caring for him. I find myself falling for him. I’m rolling in the deep, bitches.

And that’s the scariest thing ever.

How I Lost My Virginity

"So...that was sex."

It’s true. I, Laine F. Insertreallastnamehere, lost my virginity. Swiped my vcard. Gave him my flower. Popped my cherry (ew, always hated that phrase). Now if you care to read why I guarded my maidenhead for oh-so-long the story is here. In short, a mixture of religion, douchebags, and being so damn scurred kept me from giving up the goods.

So after a month and a half of dating, I was ready to do the deed with Jon. Let’s break it down:

WHY

Because I was horny? Things with Jon were going really great. Not to mention our physical relationship was…well, he’s a damn good kisser.  And everything Cosmo says about computer nerds being good in bed is actually true.

In all seriousness, I was just ready. Here was a guy that I really liked and trusted. He understood what this meant to me and was committed to making it special. I wanted to feel closer to him. And yes, I was really horny.

Ringlets and lavender capelets are necessary for deflowerings.

HOW

This is where it gets really cheesy. As a joke, Jon and I decided to make it over-the-top romantic. We booked a hotel room with a sweet hot tub and a bed the size of Texas.  There were candles. He brought flowers. I even put together a sexytime soundtrack. Totally gag-worthy I know. But it was those little details that actually put my mind at ease.

Now there were four things I feared going into the main event:

  1. It would hurt like hell.
  2. It would be awkward as hell.
  3. I would bleed. A lot.
  4. I would start sobbing because I just gave up my vcard which means that no decent man would love me.

But here’s what actually happened:

  1. It did hurt like hell. But that faded and was replaced by something much better.
  2. It was awkward as hell. But my whole life is awkward so this isn’t a new development.
  3. TMI: I bled a little.
  4. I did not start sobbing. PHEW.

In the end I came away feeling happy and relieved. As cheeseball as it sounds, I liked sharing that part of myself with Jon.

SECRET FEARS AND INSECURITIES

To be honest, sex was not nearly as life-changing as I thought it would be. Years of virgin dreams and Catholic lectures prepared me to think that sex would change everything. I would be a whole different person!  Colors would become more vivid! But no, I’m still the same person and things go on like normal.

Don’t get me wrong. Having sex was a serious decision for me and it wasn’t something I took lightly. But the heavens did not open up and a choir of angels did not emerge from the clouds above us.

But yes, sex complicates things. I find my feelings for him growing stronger and I’m getting more emotionally invested in this relationship. Jon’s also leaving in two months and we haven’t talked about what’s going to happen. It does scare me.

Chuck and Blair keep it classy in the limo. And yes, I take all my sex cues from teen television.

NOW WHAT?

Jon and I have sex now. It’s cool. I feel like I’ve just gained entry into a not-so-secret club that many of my peers are members of. It’s great! Let’s throw mixers now!

Despite all the complications and awkwardness, I’m happy I did it. At the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for.

Now the most important question of all:  Is it time to change my blog name?

Big news, party people. After nearly two months (!) of dating, Jon and I have reached the holy grail of online dating.

HE DISABLED HIS OKCUPID ACCOUNT!

Jon’s exact words were: I don’t need it anymore!

Only in the world of online dating would I find this gesture to be monumental and absolutely romantic. I feel just like Samantha Baker of Sixteen Candles. Jon is my Jake Ryan. Except instead of a birthday cake he brought along his Macbook.

Can we get married now? Can I have his adorable bespectacled babies? Is it time to search for obscenely-priced craftsmen style houses in Seattle?

I invite you all to join in my unabashed glee:

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