It’s true. I, Laine F. Insertreallastnamehere, lost my virginity. Swiped my vcard. Gave him my flower. Popped my cherry (ew, always hated that phrase). Now if you care to read why I guarded my maidenhead for oh-so-long the story is here. In short, a mixture of religion, douchebags, and being so damn scurred kept me from giving up the goods.
So after a month and a half of dating, I was ready to do the deed with Jon. Let’s break it down:
Because I was horny? Things with Jon were going really great. Not to mention our physical relationship was…well, he’s a damn good kisser. And everything Cosmo says about computer nerds being good in bed is actually true.
In all seriousness, I was just ready. Here was a guy that I really liked and trusted. He understood what this meant to me and was committed to making it special. I wanted to feel closer to him. And yes, I was really horny.
This is where it gets really cheesy. As a joke, Jon and I decided to make it over-the-top romantic. We booked a hotel room with a sweet hot tub and a bed the size of Texas. There were candles. He brought flowers. I even put together a sexytime soundtrack. Totally gag-worthy I know. But it was those little details that actually put my mind at ease.
Now there were four things I feared going into the main event:
- It would hurt like hell.
- It would be awkward as hell.
- I would bleed. A lot.
- I would start sobbing because I just gave up my vcard which means that no decent man would love me.
But here’s what actually happened:
- It did hurt like hell. But that faded and was replaced by something much better.
- It was awkward as hell. But my whole life is awkward so this isn’t a new development.
- TMI: I bled a little.
- I did not start sobbing. PHEW.
In the end I came away feeling happy and relieved. As cheeseball as it sounds, I liked sharing that part of myself with Jon.
SECRET FEARS AND INSECURITIES
To be honest, sex was not nearly as life-changing as I thought it would be. Years of virgin dreams and Catholic lectures prepared me to think that sex would change everything. I would be a whole different person! Colors would become more vivid! But no, I’m still the same person and things go on like normal.
Don’t get me wrong. Having sex was a serious decision for me and it wasn’t something I took lightly. But the heavens did not open up and a choir of angels did not emerge from the clouds above us.
But yes, sex complicates things. I find my feelings for him growing stronger and I’m getting more emotionally invested in this relationship. Jon’s also leaving in two months and we haven’t talked about what’s going to happen. It does scare me.
Jon and I have sex now. It’s cool. I feel like I’ve just gained entry into a not-so-secret club that many of my peers are members of. It’s great! Let’s throw mixers now!
Despite all the complications and awkwardness, I’m happy I did it. At the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for.
Now the most important question of all: Is it time to change my blog name?