An Ode to Wine

I freaking love wine.

Despite putting in a full 9-to-5 shift, my greatest accomplishment today was successfully opening a bottle of wine all by myself. I should also mention that said bottle of wine was secretly stolen from my office’s last happy hour. Am I classy or am I classy?

So as I nurse this amazing buzz I thought it was appropriate to pay tribute to the beverage that has kept me sane thus far.

Wine, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

• You make me feel so effing classy. I spend most Monday nights watching The Bachelorette and sipping whatever alcoholic beverage available in the fridge. Reality TV and beer? So sad! Reality TV and wine? So classy! Suddenly, I feel like one of those sophisticated women who goes to opera, peruses bookstores, and is fluent in at least one European language.
• You make me so loving! I’m not the most emotional person. But a glass (or ten) of wine makes me a hugger. Suddenly, I appreciate my friends that much more and I can murmur “I love you” over and over.
• You make me so flirty. I have a hard time even making eye contact with a cute boy. Thankfully wine lubricates the situation so I can approach dudes and proceed to make a complete idiot of myself. Then wine comes to the rescue and soothes my broken spirit.
• You make me and my family so happy! A wine-induced buzz leaves us all in pleasantly lethargic state. We spent last weekend touring wine tastings. We were so buzzed we couldn’t muster up one sarcastic retort or disapproving remark.
• You make me so superficial. Have you ever perused the wine aisle? So. Many. Pretty. Labels. I get to choose the bottle that I find the most aesthetically pleasing.

 

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